Negilgence

I’ve been negligent of my blog lately. That’s down to a whole rake of reasons, one of which is that I have been testing the rigour of my heart and judgement, and found both to be far short of being fit for purpose. Perhaps  had I been blogging regularly I would have picked up on the warning signs earlier?  Mind you, there are those, some close to me, who have expressed concerns about my blog, for a range of reasons, including:

 

–          It feels uncomfortable to read (so don’t read it!)

–          It’s too much (as above)

–          It might effect my professional career (oh, like Tony Bates discussing his mental health issues has impacted so negatively on his credibility? Clearly a woman describing how she’s trying to mend her broken heart is an entirely different matter.)

–          It only illustrates that I’m high maintenence (like anyone whose ever met me would need to read my blog to know that?)

I’ve been surprised by some (not all) of this negative feedback.  Until very recently, I had no indication that anyone had difficulty with what I was writing, and actually, I was spurred on by the many messages I received from people I have never met, and probably never will, who told me how helpful it was to read my reflections; the extent to which my experiences echoed theirs; and how they found my blog to be inspiring, hopeful and maybe cathartic. Indeed, were it not for the responses when I started writing on the Camino, I would never have gone on to set up the website.

We all need people  to be brave and say the unspeakable, so that we know we are not alone in our pain. I know I’m no trail blazer, and my experiences are as old as love and heart ache. There are hundreds of others out there writing similar things, probably doing it better than me, and many more experiencing familiar emotions.  If my thoughts create a level of discomfort in some, good!  If they result in some considering their own past differently, fantastic! and if my blog results in some people thinking badly of me, I can live with that, because chances are they didn’t like me to start with!